Thursday, October 31, 2013

Transportation Basics

Transportation: The Basics

There's more to wedding day travel plans than trying to hide your car from the best man and his arsenal of aluminum cans. We've got the 411 on getting you and your bridal party around.

Early Decisions

Choosing your transportation begins with an assessment of who you have to take with you, and the size of your bridal party plays a big part. If it's just you and two bridesmaids, a slick luxury sedan will get you there in style -- the bride's parents can ride in a separate car. But if you've got a crowd, consider a trendy stretch SUV or Hummer that up to 22 people can pile into. Try to save a seat for the photographer: Candid, wide-angle, or paparazzi-style shots are a surprising favorite.
Afterward, make sure you remember you'll need to transport the two of you and groomsmen as well. Some couples opt for a car for just them and car or cars for everyone else. The choice is yours. If the reception is within walking distance from the ceremony, you can hire a choir, musician, or, say, mariachi band to serenade you.

Limo 101

Since limos are the most common choice, we thought nitty-gritty tips would help ensure your stretch goes smoothly. Ask for recommendations from recently married friends, the caterer, hotel concierge, or reception hall manager.
  • Play the Blushing Bride. Ask about wedding packages. Some places will offer you complimentary champagne or upgrades just for asking; others will include a discount if you book for the bachelorette and bachelor parties too.
  • Time It Right. Most limos have to be hired for a three- or four-hour minimum. If your travel plans consist of one 15-minute trip to the church, you might want to go for a less expensive option, like a Lincoln Town Car, which is still technically a limo. If there are several legs to the trip, renting the car for the night may make more sense.
  • Book Early. Reserve your car at least six months in advance—or more like nine if your wedding is in April, May, or June, which is prom season. Comparison shop to get a decent deal as prices (and quality) can vary wildly. (Hint: Limos that aren't white often cost less.)
  • Check the Fine Print. Read the contract word-for-word and ask for a statement detailing the costs of the deposit and balance due. Make sure the following is in writing: the date, hours, and pickup locations; amenities; the driver's name and attire; the make, model, and color of the car; plus cancellation and refund policies.
  • Save Up Front. Place the smallest possible deposit on the bill—20 to 25 percent—to minimize your loss if the service winds up being less than great. Plan on tipping 15 to 20 percent, but check the contract to find out if gratuity is already included.
  • Drop in on the Car. Make the final reservation in person, not over the phone. That way you can inspect the cars and ask which one you'll be getting. Most places won't guarantee a specific car, but you can get an idea of the fleet.
  • Meet Your Chauffeur. Have a conversation with your driver ahead of time. Make sure he knows not just where you're going but how to get there. Let him know if you have a special request or heads-up (you'll be bringing sparklers back into the car after the ceremony, for instance).
  • Assign a Type-A. Designate a bridesmaid to call the driver 20 to 30 minutes ahead of time to make sure your ride is coming on time.
  • Prepare to Pester. Be sure to get an after-hours phone number of someone at the limo company in case any emergencies come up.

Making Your Exit

  • Traditional Adieu. For their grand exit, most brides and grooms get into a formal car together, but there is absolutely no reason you have to stick to tradition. Use this opportunity to let everyone see you in your dream car. From a red-hot Ferrari to a Rolls Royce, you can rent cool cars from specialty car rental companies.
  • Other Au Revoir Rentals. Take off on a vintage Vespa, or create a rustic feel by driving away in a friend's baby-blue antique pickup truck. Or how about a tandem bike for two fitness fanatics? Or sometimes simple is chic: a romantic walk, hand in hand.

Everyone Else

  • Provide for Your Guests. If you've got a lot of people coming in from out of town, are hosting the wedding events at several different locations, or are having the ceremony in a hard-to-find or hard-to-get-to location, consider renting minivans and shuttle buses, which are good for getting guests to each spot and on time.
  • Costs for Mass Transportation. Expect to pay $75 to $100 per hour for this kind of mass transit. For a fun alternative, charter a 1920s-style trolley or a double-decker tour bus.
  • Bridal Parties Top the List. If you don't have a bus going back to the hotels and are leaving in a different car, you should at least make sure transportation is arranged for the bridal party: cabs, another limo, or just enlisting a friend or family member to take each bridesmaid are all acceptable options. Just let each girl know earlier how she should get home so there are no questions that day.
  • Parting Ways. If you haven't rented a shuttle bus for your guests, you should at the very least provide a taxi phone number so that any guests who've imbibed can make it home safely. You can also plan ahead with a taxi company so that they always have one waiting out front, and they can radio more cars as needed after the party's over. Now get moving.
Transport tip: If you have lots of out-of-town guests, consider renting minivans or shuttle buses to get them around.

reposted from the Knot

Monday, October 28, 2013

Transportation: Costs, Tips & Trends

Transportation: Costs, Tips & Trends


You know what you're wearing, what you're eating, and who's reading what at your ceremony, but none of that matters if you have no way of getting yourselves (and the wedding party) to the wedding site. (a great task for the groom). These 11 tips will get you ready to roll:

1. What It Costs

You're likely to be charged by the hour (ranging from $40-$75 per hour, depending on the type of vehicle and number of passengers), and you may be required to contract the cars for a minimum amount of time. A 15 to 20 percent gratuity may also be added to your bill. The parking service bill should also reflect a 15 to 20 percent gratuity charge. In this case, make sure guests know not to tip.

2. Ways to Save

Stick with your standard six-person town car instead of a stretch limo -- the former is actually a limo, just not as long. Leave out the TV, full bar, and sunroof. Or, let bride and groom get a ride and have the wedding party carpool it.

3. Parking Protocol

Having your reception at a hotel, restaurant, banquet hall, or special events facility? The site manager may be taking care of parking arrangements and staff. If not (or if you prefer to hire an independent service), here are some guidelines: Valets are attendants that physically park cars for guests upon arrival, retrieve them when guests leave, and staff the parking area for the duration of the event. Non-valet attendants direct traffic, hold signs, point you towards available spaces, and staff the area. The going rate? Around $20-$25 per attendant. Figure five valets (or three or four non-valets) per 100 guests. Knot Note: The parking service manager should check out the location to determine the number of attendants needed before quoting a price. And keep in mind that meager to non-existent parking facilities, massive guest lists, and complicated locations will require more manpower and add to the cost.

4. Guest Issues

Think transporting guests from ceremony to reception isn't your bag? Better hope all your guests are driving. Picture 150 people fighting for cabs during a conveniently timed, post-ceremony thunderstorm. Look into hiring a bus or a couple of minivans if you think this could happen. You also need to consider the distance between ceremony and reception. If the ceremony ends at 4:30 and the reception space (20 minutes away) won't be ready until 5:45, you risk having guests arrive while the space is still being prepared. Those early birds will have to make their own fun, which, trust us, doesn't look good on you. Try to time everything just right. Call the reception site to change the start time, if necessary.
tip Firm up transportation arrangements 4-6 months before the wedding.

5. Paparazzi Shots

Have your photographer ride along with you. Those glamorous in-car shots (pre- and post-ceremony) are fast becoming a new classic.

6. Sitting Around

Arrange for pick-up and drop-off service only, so that drivers aren't waiting around (and getting paid) for the duration of the ceremony and reception. If there will be no cars waiting, the couple should be assured a ride home (hotel, airport, etc.) when the festivities are over. This is something an honor attendant (usually the best man) should provide or oversee.

7. Prom Bookings

If your wedding falls during prom time or graduation season (late March to late June) you may want to book five or six months before your wedding date just to be on the safe side.

8. Be Prepared

We can't say it enough: prepare a call sheet with names and all pickup/drop off addresses and times, so that you can call to confirm these arrangements with the car company the day before the wedding (or on that morning). The drivers should have this information well in advance, as well as detailed directions to the ceremony and reception sites. Also, make sure that everyone getting a ride has a copy of the directions stashed in their pocket or purse, with an emergency contact number in case the driver gets lost.

9. Drink It Up

Stash some champagne in the car so that you can toast each other on the way to the reception. (The limo company may be able provide the booze and save you the trouble. Ask about this.)

10. Alternate Routes

Of course you're not limited to limos and cars -- we know couples who have gone by way of horse and buggy, sleigh, motorcycle and side-car, roller skates, skateboards, scooters, canoe, even tractors.

11. Let's Go

Want a carefree ride? So do your families and friends! Make sure you've arranged transportation for the bridal party and VIPs, like both sets of parents and grandparents.

12. "Just Married"

If you've always dreamed of departing in a car decked out with dangling aluminum cans, streamers, flowers, and a big "Just Married" sign, leave it to your male attendants.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

The New Rules of Wedding Etiquette

The New Rules of Wedding Etiquette

It’s inevitable that you’ll spread the excitement of your wedding to everyone in your social media network, so follow these rules to avoid a faux pas (or worse!) when it comes to sharing your wedding.

For the bride and groom:


Call your parents before pressing “post” or “tweet.”
Your close friends and family will want to hear it straight from you first.
A Facebook status or tweet might be the most efficient way to get the news out, but it’s not the most personal. You know which friends and family members would appreciate to hear the news directly from you; plus, it’s likely that older family members (like your grandparents!) don’t have Facebook or Twitter accounts and could miss the message altogether.
Change your relationship status in minutes or months...it's up to you!
There’s no wrong or right time -- some couples even do it at the altar!
Once you tie the knot, it’s up to you and your new spouse to decide when to change your relationship status or last name on your social media sites. For some couples, this can be a very important moment; for others, it’s no big deal. So if and when you’re ready to make the change, go for it!
Post pics of your engagement ring. (Everyone can’t wait to see!)
But keep the nitty-gritty details like cost and carat to yourself.
After you post your “engaged” status, your friends and family will be dying to find out what the ring looks like, so indulge them with a photo (you may want to prep with a manicure first!). It’s not bragging to share a pic with the exciting news. Leave out the other details, because how much it cost isn’t anyone else’s business -- the point is that it symbolizes the commitment you’re making. Everyone’s going to be checking out your hand for the first few months anyway, so make it easy for friends and family to admire from afar.
Designate a “tweeter of honor.”
Enjoy your day and stay off your phone while still keeping everyone updated.
Your wedding day will fly by, and if you’re focused on your phone or tablet the whole time, you’ll miss out on what’s important. Enjoy the guests who have come to celebrate with you, instead of everyone in your social media circles. Strike a balance and designate a tweeter of honor -- it could be another bridesmaid who isn’t your maid of honor (she’ll have plenty of responsibilities already!) -- to keep your social networks updated throughout the day so you won’t have to. Another option is to schedule tweets beforehand so they’re ready to go without the hassle.
Send out traditional paper invites for the main event.
Email invites are totally okay for pre- and postwedding parties!
Paper invites are the way to go for the actual wedding day. In today’s technology-based world, where your guests receive hundreds of emails a day, a physical invite has become that much more special. That doesn’t mean you have to go over the top with an invite that sings and shoots confetti either. Simple card stock and laser printing will do the trick. A paperless invite for the rehearsal dinner or morning-after brunch is a great option (especially if you want to cut down on stationery costs). Just because the invites are electronic doesn’t mean they won’t have style or be personal to you. There are plenty of sites that let you customize e-invites so that they’ll look beautiful and unique to you.

For the guests:


Wait to publicly post your congratulations.
If the couple hasn’t made the announcement, then you shouldn’t spill the big news for them.
It’s exciting when you’re the first to find out your best friend or sister is getting married, but hold off on the public congrats until they’re ready to share the news themselves. They might be waiting for an important reason (like they haven’t even told their parents yet!), and there could be hard feelings involved if others find out they weren’t in-the-know first.
Private message any wedding planning questions.
It can be awkward for the couple’s other Facebook friends who weren’t invited.
If you want to discuss wedding plans with the bride or groom, then it’s polite to do it in a private way. The couple may have hundreds of Facebook friends who aren’t on the invite list, and it’s not fair if each and every detail comes up on their news feed. Brides especially love to share wedding planning details, and she’ll appreciate a friendly ear to listen if you call to find out how it’s going. This is a busy time for the couple too, so don’t be offended if they don’t keep you up to date on every single detail!
Share pics of the bride and groom.
But respect their request if they ask you not to post photos before they do.
It’s great that you want to show what a great wedding the couple threw and Instagram the cake and the flowers. Some couples may want to wait to share photographic details of the wedding until they have photos from their professional photographer, so you should respect their choice. If you’re worried about whether you’re in the clear with posting photos, then wait until a close friend or family member of the couple does so first. Then you’ll know if it’s okay to post away!
Leave the phone in your purse or pocket.
Posting occasionally is okay, but the couple invited you to celebrate their day, not sit there on your phone.
The couple spent a lot of time planning an event that you would enjoy, so don’t spend the entire time on your phone posting about the wedding -- go have some fun! It’s okay to share the love a few times, but you shouldn't opt out of hitting the dance floor in favor of tweeting a play-by-play. Plus, having a phone or tablet out all the time can get in the way of photos, and no one wants to look back on their wedding day to see a guest more engaged with a device than their reception.
Follow directions for the RSVP.
The couple’s inboxes are already full of wedding-related details; a text, email or DM is likely to get lost in the mix.
Most paper invitations will include an RSVP card with an addressed envelope to send it back in, and couples will look for and expect responses by mail (before the deadline!). If you lose the card, then it’s okay to call and find out how the couple would prefer you to RSVP once you know whether you’ll be attending.
reposted from the Knot

Monday, October 21, 2013

Stress: Get a Grip on Guilt

Stress: Get a Grip on Guilt

He's talking about the honeymoon benefits of Cancun versus St. Thomas, but the only trip on your mind is a big guilt trip. Ever since you started planning your wedding, you've had this nagging guilt: about ignoring your gal pals to plan, about how much cash this affair is costing dear old Dad, about having to cross your best friend from third grade off the guest list. If this sounds familiar, don't worry -- you're not the only to-be-wed wrestling with these dilemmas, especially if you're the bride.
Guilt can really get in the way of a good relationship (and a good time). And because women are more likely than men to feel guilty (women are socialized to "take care" of things -- and people -- and tend to blame themselves if things go awry or feelings are hurt), it's likely that many other brides-to-be feel the same way.
If guilt is consuming your life, you need to reassess what you are taking the blame for.

"Women have expectations and standards as they come into adulthood, from watching Martha Stewart make her own wrapping paper to having mothers who didn't work away from home full-time," says June Price Tangney, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at George Mason University in Fairfax, Virginia. It makes sense that an impending wedding only magnifies that gender gap, leaving your groom wistfully worrying only about what SPF to pack for the honeymoon while you let every little decision eat away at you.As much as we all like to think otherwise (and as much as we at The Knot are trying to change it), brides often play the larger role in wedding planning (and the wedding itself), so they've got more to be concerned about than their grooms. "The wedding thing as a whole is more important to women because the bride usually plays a larger role in the event," says Gail P. Robinson, Ph.D., past president of the American Counseling Association in Alexandria, Virginia.
Of course, it is your big day, and it's understandable if you cramp a few nights' sleep doing your best to make everyone happy. But if guilt is consuming your life, you need to reassess what you are taking the blame for. Prioritizing your concerns, what you can fix, and what you should just forget about will make the days from now until your wedding night run much more smoothly. Added bonus: Doing so can have a residual positive effect on the rest of your life. As Rabbi Harold S. Kushner says in his book, How Good Do We Have to Be? (Little, Brown & Co, 1996), no one is perfect -- and that includes you.
It's not easy to let guilt go and get on with things. "Guilt is one of the toughest things to shake," says Dr. Robinson. "It's all wrapped up in our sense of self."
Guilt is often tied to self-esteem, the need to be liked, the need to please others (parents, future in-laws, guests), and fear of rejection, says Patricia Averill, Ph.D., a psychologist with the Harris County Psychiatric Center in Houston.
Take guilt over a too-short guest list, for example. Before you start maxing out your credit cards to add more reception seats, sort out your motivations for doing so. Dr. Robinson suggests asking yourself if you feel guilty because you can't afford to spend what you think a "good" person would spend (and/or what people will expect), or whether you're merely disappointed because a shorter and less-expensive guest list means not being able to invite sorority sisters you haven't seen in years. If you realize it's the latter, make changes -- such as springing for a buffet instead of a seated dinner -- to accommodate more guests at a similar price. If it's a matter of how you'll be "seen," recognize that there are some acceptance issues going on here, and remember that the person you most need to please when it comes to your wedding is you. Others are important, but not at your own expense -- mental or otherwise.
Next, talk about it. If your to-be can't comprehend why your stomach is tied in knots over this stuff, try to articulate why having a large group of friends and family at the wedding is important to you and why you really want to find a way to have everyone you want there without breaking the bank. Ask him to help you brainstorm some solutions.
Once you've explained to your sweetie what's making you feel so bad and you've talked through some options together, take control: Act on your decision to cut costs or actively decide not to feel guilty. Assuage yourself by calling left-out parties for a catch-up chat or inviting them over or out -- let them know that they continue to be an important part of your life.
Reward yourself by taking a time out from all this wedding stuff and focusing on some serious play. And whatever you do, don't feel guilty about indulging yourself for a change!
reposted from the Knot

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Stress: 8 Easy Ways to Prevent Wedding Insanity


Stress: 8 Easy Ways to Prevent Wedding Insanity


Let's not beat around the bush: planning a wedding is work. With all those decisions and responsibilities, it's easy to see how some brides and grooms get completely consumed in the minutiae. So how do stressed-out, site-seeing, menu-sampling couples get their eyes back on the ball? By taking a breather from the planning process. Get ready to clear your schedules and forget about picking the favors-the following list of eight stress-breaking activities will help you remove yourselves from nuptial hassles and restore your sanity.

1. Declare a wedding-free weekend.

For a full 48-hour period, pretend you're the two people you were before you got engaged (and, in the meantime, remind yourselves of why you wanted to get married to each other in the first place). No wedding planning or fighting allowed! No talk of hors d'oeuvres, seating charts, or first dance songs. Hang out, laugh, have fun, and flirt with each other for a change.

2. Have a night out with the girls (or boys).

With all the "togetherness" of being a future bride and groom, remind yourselves you're individuals too. Book a night out with your respective same-sex posse (again, no wedding talk). Hit the town like a swinging single and stay out past midnight. Take advantage of the fact that your future spouse isn't around to do something with your friends he or she doesn't like to do -- we're talking chick flick, batting cages, steak dinner, manicures. Then entertain each other the next day with tales of your exploits.

3. Go on a fancy date.

Chances are, for the past few months you've been scrimping and saving every extra nickel to supplement The Budget. If you've done well, reward yourselves for your miserly skills by spending a little of that cold hard cash. Book a table at the fanciest restaurant in town and go for the full monty: fine wine, appetizer, entree, dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Afterward, stop in a local jazz club and catch a torch singer belting out inspiring tunes de l'amour.

4. Take a drive.

Reserve a weekend afternoon and head for the open road. Check out that little place a couple of towns over that you always mean to visit. Test each other's map-reading skills. Play road games like, Who Can Spot the Most Out-of-State License Plates? Sing along to cheesy songs on the radio. Buy a souvenir at a highway truck stop. Stumble upon a romantic restaurant for lunch or dinner before heading home.

5. Mastermind a movie marathon.

There's nothing like a good movie to transport you from reality to fantasy. Take the phone off the hook, rent a whole slew of films, and spend an evening in, snacking on popcorn and Sno-Caps. The trick here is to stay away from wedding-theme fare -- sorry, this includes Father of the Bride -- while keeping the romance theme going with a steamy story like The Lover. Or opt for the comic relief of a Jim Carrey or Eddie Murphy flick -- laughter, after all, is still the best stress reliever.

6. Get in some game play.

Sometimes a little healthy competition serves to make you closer, right? Challenge your mate to a night of games: Pictionary, Scrabble, backgammon, even good old cards. If you own a Sony PlayStation 2, take the high-tech road to fun. Rather venture out? Head for the nearest bowling alley -- or look into go-carts, ice-skating, and tennis tournaments for other fun and sporty activities to enjoy a deux.

7. Revert to childhood.

There's nothing like a good amusement park to get you feeling like a kid again. Wake up extra early to avoid long lines, then get your fill of roller coasters, log flumes, and Ferris wheels. Challenge your future mate to a bumper car race. Fill up on cotton candy, funnel cake, and waffle cones. Take an old-fashioned photo. Then spend an hour or so trying to win a supersize stuffed animal to take home as a memento of the day.

8. Engage in an eat-a-thon.

If you both love to cook, compose a special theme menu for a romantic at-home date. Go shopping together and pick the freshest produce around (maybe there's a farmer's market near you) -- and remember to include some aphrodisiac ingredients! Nab a bouquet and some candles to pretty up your table while you're at it. Once at home, take time to really enjoy the meal prep process. Line up all your ingredients on the countertop and open a bottle of wine. And take lots of liberties when it comes to recipes -- nothing's better than creating signature dishes together.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Remarriage: Getting Started



Getting remarried? Congratulations! This time around, anything goes. If your last wedding was in city hall, have the grand gala of your dreams. Prefer an intimate party with friends and family? That's okay, too. Children are often a common addition to second (or third or fourth) weddings, making this a true family affair! Planning a wedding can be even more fun the second (or third) time around. Here's what encore couples need to know.

1. Engagement

The very first people you should tell about the upcoming wedding are the children either of you have from previous marriages. This is very important: Even if your children adore your fiance, they can feel very alienated if they don't hear about it first. Your kids are going to have a brand-new stepparent -- no one should know that before they do.

2. Attire

Brides: Be yourself. Let your personality shine through. You probably wore traditional garb when you married someone else -- this time wear what you like! This also means that if you always wanted to wear the big white dress, but for some reason didn't, do it now! You may want to skip the veil as the veil is generally a first-time-bride tradition. Instead, try a glimmering tiara, or fresh flowers in your hair. Choose your attendants' attire with the same philosophy.
Grooms: Same goes for you. Wear whatever you feel comfortable in -- a zoot suit, a morning suit, a white tie, a seersucker suit, or tails.

3. Children

Involve your children in the ceremony -- after all, your fiance will be part of their family, too. Let them be ushers, bridesmaids, flower girls, ring bearers, best men, pages, or organizers. That said, don't just assume that they want to be involved. Always ask. If a child expresses reluctance, don't push. Reassure your children that their presence will be appreciated regardless of their roles on the big day. As a nice gesture, seat them at your table during the reception.

4. Casual Or Formal?

Have the wedding of your dreams. Not formal enough the first time? Go all out on this one. Too stuffy the first time? Have a backyard barbecue complete with limbo contest. Consider a soiree that creatively combines tradition with your own personal flair. There's only one rule: Have fun!

5. Registry

Many encore brides who are independently settled or already live with their fiances decide to skip the registry. Instead, they arrange for guests to make donations to a favorite charity in lieu of wedding gifts. If you forgot things you really wanted (pickle dish, carving board, corkscrew) the first time you registered, remedy the error now. You may want to avoid silver, china, and crystal, since these items are associated with first marriages.

6. Showers

As you probably have most necessary household items, go for interesting theme showers:

  • Self-improvement: Ballroom dancing, scuba diving, a spa weekend.
  • Wine Cellar: Wineglasses, corkscrew, wine rack, membership to a wine-of-the-month club, wine-tasting classes.
  • Great Outdoors: Gardening tools, skis, hiking/camping equipment, binoculars, rock-climbing lessons, a gas grill.


7. Invitations

If you're planning a formal or elegant wedding, engraved invitations are perfectly acceptable. For an informal wedding, explore different ideas: Create invitations on your computer, or print them on Japanese rice paper. For a casual affair, write invitations on balloons (recipients will have to blow them up to read the message.) Don't know how to word your invites? Here are a couple of ideas:
For couples hosting the wedding themselves, this is a common wording:
Ms. Jane Doe
and
Mr. John Smith
request the honor of your presence at their wedding.
Planning a wedding can be even more fun the second (or third) time around.
Include your children for a thoughtful touch. For example:
Ms. Jane Doe
with her daughter Rachel Allison Doe
and her son Brandon William Doe
and
Mr. Joseph Jones
with his son Michael Jones
request the pleasure of your company
at the union of their families.

8. Money Matters

Generally, you two should share expenses. Discuss the type of affair each of you would like, and try to accommodate each other's needs and wants. Draw up a budget and stick firmly to it. If relatives want to contribute, feel free to accept -- and be sure to send a thank-you note and gift.

9. Flowers, Photography, Music, and More

Go ahead and get the most beautiful bouquet, the best photographer, and a fabulous DJ or band. For a more casual affair, make a camera-happy relative your honorary photographer. Have your own video camera? Enlist a few friends to take turns capturing the moment. These goodies depend on your budget and your wedding's formality.

10. Rehearsal Dinner

A remarrying couple may certainly have a rehearsal dinner, even if the next day's ceremony is informal and doesn't require rehearsal. Traditionally, the groom's parents would host the dinner; in this case, the groom may want to host it himself. You should invite the wedding party and their spouses, your parents, and your children -- provided they can stay up late. Beyond that, the number of attendees is up to you.

11. Honeymoon

Including your children in your wedding planning can be a rewarding experience, but you should honeymoon alone and bask in wedded bliss. If you have very young children, vacation by yourselves for a few days, then take the children with you for a few more. If your children are old enough to stay home alone, go for that island adventure or European holiday and experience joie de vivre!
Remember this: You might have been married before, but not to each other. Treat your big day as a unique, special occasion. It is a first for the two of you together. Happy planning!













Thursday, October 10, 2013

Planning Basics: How to Talk Money With Your Wedding Vendors


The money conversation -- whether you like it or not -- happens well before you review a vendor contract. You'll talk budget right from the beginning. In fact, you'll talk money in your first vendor meeting. And while it may be a seemingly awkward situation, it's an integral part of wedding planning. Understand the ins and outs with our top tips.

Check Vendor Websites Before You Call

Do a little homework online first to find out whether a potential vendor falls within your price range before you pick up the phone. Click around his or her website to look for their pricing page. Some wedding vendors make it really easy to find and will list their full package offerings and pricing, while others are more discrete about it. Even for the latter, they'll usually list a budget minimum on their website (look for "packages starting at").

Come Right Out With It

If there's one thing we've learned from talking to wedding pros on the money topic, it's that they really appreciate brides and grooms who are forthcoming about their budgets. "Be straight with the vendors and tell them your budget. If you have wiggle room, let them know. For the most part vendors are very honest and will tell you whether they can work within that budget and whether that budget is realistic," says Laura Wright of Laura Wright Events. "If they can't work within your budget, ask them if they will give you the name of someone who can." You'll save a ton of back-and-forth time if you're on the same page from the beginning.

Ask How Much Things Really Cost

Keep in mind that magazines (like ours) have food stylists, editors, and assistants working to make everything look effortless and perfect. The reality is that it takes a ton of time, resources and budget to re-create the table designs you see in magazines. "You never know what things cost until you ask!" says Vanessa Van Wieren, owner of Alchemy Fine Events & Invitations. And trust us: It's totally normal to experience sticker shock the first time you read through a pricing menu. Once you've learned that wooden farm tables are much more expensive than round tables and that even simple draping requires an entire team of pros, then you'll really be ready to have a conversation. Additionally, when it comes to those intangible talents like photography, videography and design, Chenin Boutwell of Chenin Boutwell Photography points out that you have to remember that in some cases, you're paying for "a unique eye, point of view and experience."

Get an Itemized List

Don't be afraid to ask vendors to itemize quotes so you can see exactly where your money is going. "There may be items and services that you're not aware of that you may not need," Van Wieren says. On the other hand, there may be items you really do need (but didn't know you did) like delivery fees associated with table rentals or a second shooter to capture all the little moments on camera. Understanding where your budget is being spent is one of the best ways to feel in control and stay on track with wedding expenses.

Don't Feel Intimidated

Wedding vendors are running a business. If they aren't able to work within your budget, they'll let you know. But don't be embarrassed to talk them about your limits. "If they can't work with you, then they should be able to give you the name of someone who can," says Wright. That's the beauty of talking to the pros -- there's a huge community of wedding vendors who are all very well-connected to one another. If you've fallen in love with a photographer or vendor who's clearly out of your price range, it doesn't hurt to email them and ask for recommendations. "If a bride contacts me and is well beneath my price range, I almost always have recommendations for them," says Jasmine Star of Jasmine Star Photography. "I love helping brides find someone who fits their needs."

Ask About Payment Options

Here's something you might not expect to hear: You can have everything. You just have to plan for it and ask lots of questions along the way. "I always suggest for my brides to put their photography all towards the shooting costs and wait a bit to order prints or album a few months or a year down the road," Van Wieren says. "That way you get a better photographer versus trying to afford a full package."

Sign a Contract

Once you've squared away all the details, get a contract or written agreement -- composed in easy-to-understand language -- that spells out everything you've discussed. Have an expert eye (your detail-oriented aunt, a lawyer friend or even better, your wedding planner) look over the contract to make sure it's kosher and clear, and that nothing has been forgotten (see Contracts 101 for what your contract should include). Sign the contract only when you're completely comfortable with it. You and the vendor should sign and date two copies (one for each of you to keep) so it will be legally binding.

Pay a Deposit

You're not done quite yet -- in order to reserve a vendor's services, you will likely need to put down a deposit too. Until you do, don't consider him booked for your wedding. The deposit is usually a percentage of the total bill (typically about 50 percent but it varies). Most deposits are nonrefundable in the event of a postponement, cancellation, change of heart, etc. -- but talk to your vendor. Some are willing to return your deposit (just make sure to get it written into your contract!) for special circumstances like loss of a job, illness, postponement (as long as you use their services later), or military deployment. (If not, you can also look into wedding insurance.) Deposits are a good thing -- they commit both you and your vendor to your event from the start. Finally, keep track of all deposits you make in your budgeter (and get receipts!), so you know how much you've spent and how much is due after the fact.

reposted from the knot

Monday, October 7, 2013

Just Married: Your Post Wedding To-Dos

Just Married: Your Post Wedding To-Dos

Feeling a little let down after all the non-stop wedding planning hoopla? Well, wait, there's still more to do once you've said I do.
All those details you spent months agonizing over miraculously came together: you said your vows, had your party, and somehow, here you are—married! But don't feel blue just yet. You still have a few things to wrap up that will keep you busy. Attend to these final postwedding to-dos during the first few weeks (or even days) after your wedding, and you can enjoy the memories of your special day for decades to come.

Save the Cake

Don't let those yummy wedding cake memories end with the last bite. Instruct the catering staff to take off the top tier at the end of the night and box it for transport. Appoint a 'cake captain' (one of your family members or close friends) to take it home and prepare it for preservation by following these steps: 1. Remove any sugar flowers or decorative adornments
2. Chill the cake well before wrapping it up so the icing hardens and won't stick to the plastic wrap.
3. Wrap the (unadorned) cake in several layers of plastic wrap—not aluminum foil, which may cause freezer burn.
4. Seal the wrapped cake in an airtight bag, tie a ribbon around the package so you won't mistake it for anything else and place it in your freezer.
Tip: Some cakes freeze better and longer than others. If you're hoping to focus on taste as well as nostalgia consider placing an order for a fresh cake tier in the same flavor as your original cake to enjoy on your year anniversary.

Keep Your Bouquet

There are two ways to hold on to your flowers for the long haul. The press and frame option simply flattens a few blooms so they can be displayed in a picture frame alongside photos or your invitation; while the glass dome or shadow box option preserves your bouquet in its original shape and vacuum-seals it inside a glass container. Whichever method you prefer your best bet is to hire a pro for a perfect, polished look. Choose from a local preservation company or a nationwide one and make a reservation about a month in advance. Then all you have to do is pack up your bouquet according to their guidelines, drop it off or ship it as soon after the wedding as possible (a day or two is best) and they'll do the rest. And if you do plan to save your bouquet be sure to protect it at the reception—ask the caterer to store it in the fridge or at the very least stick the stems in water.

Preserve Your Gown

A gown as gorgeous as yours deserves safe-keeping—to pass down to your daughter or just have for posterity. Your first step, regardless of what you plan to do with it next is to have it professionally cleaned by someone who specializes in wedding gowns. Ask your seamstress or the store where you purchased your dress to recommend a cleaner as well as a skilled preservationist (fyi: they are often one and the same). While it's generally safe to wait as long as six weeks after the ceremony to have your dress preserved, it's best to get it cleaned a few days after the wedding—so if you're leaving on your honeymoon have your mom or MOH bring it in and point out any stains to the cleaner. Until then, store it in a dark, dry place, rolled or folded in a clean white sheet. Before you hand over your one-and-only gown be sure to ask about procedure and warranties and request an estimate since prices for preservation can vary based on the complexity of the gown's beadwork, train length, and stain damage. After preservation find a place to store the box where it's protected from extreme temperatures, moisture, and exposure to direct sunlight.

Say Thank You

While most couples dread handwriting 150 personalized notes the deed must be done. And sooner rather than later—for gifts received after the wedding the rule is you're supposed to get thank-yous out within a month after you return from the honeymoon. (For gifts received before it's within two weeks of their arrival) Sure that's nice in theory, but realistically if you can get them all out by your two-month anniversary, both you and your guests will be happy. To make the chore more manageable divide and conquer. If you each put aside fifteen minutes daily (or every other day) you can probably bang them out at a rate of ten a day and be done in the allotted two months. Open a bottle of wine, do it together, and soon you'll be back to using all your new gadgets and gifts rather than writing about them.

Create an Album

Most wedding photography packages don't include prints and albums, so after the wedding, you'll need to settle down to the hard work of selecting the photos you want and deciding how you want to preserve them—make this a to-do list priority or we promise you, it will be two years and you'll still be album-less! Choosing images takes six hours on average, so don't expect it to be a quick task but taking time to reflect with your fabulous photos is part of the payoff for all the planning you did. Start by sorting out the top 20 or 30 that jump out at you as favorites and weeding out the bad pics (i.e: blinking guests). Then group everything else into categories like getting ready, ceremony, cocktail hour, etc. Once you've decided what kind of album you want and how many pages it will hold layout the pictures and keep arranging them until you create a smooth yet dynamic flow that tells a story of the day.

Change Your Name

Facebook status changed: check! Now it's time for those other official changes, like your last name. To do that you'll need your original (or certified) marriage license with the raised seal and your new last name on it. It should have been sent automatically but if not call the clerk's office to track it down. Then do the following:

Change Your Social Security Card
Visit the Social Security Administration's website (ssa.gov) to fill out the application and see where to send it.
Change Your LicenseHead to the local DMV to get a new license with your new married name—bring every form of identification you can get your hands on, including your new Social Security card.
Change Your Bank Accounts
The fastest way to do this is to go into your local branch with your new driver's license and marriage license. As well as changing the name attached to your accounts, you should also request new checks and debit and credit cards too.
Change Everything ElseOnce you've changed your social security card and driver's license everything else should be a piece of cake. Some places may only require a phone call. Make a list (post office, employers/payroll, voter registration office, alumni associations, etc.) and notify each organization one by one.

Sell Off Your Stuff

If you're less sentimental and looking to recoup some of the money you spent consider selling your dress, accessories, or your décor for another bride to enjoy. There are plenty of online resources to help you out. Start by posting your offer on The Knot, describing your items and a way for brides-to-be to get in touch. Then Google “sell your wedding stuff” to find lots of resale and auction sites as well as tips for snagging the best price for your things. Don't need the extra cash and feel like doing some good? Donation is another way to go.

Plan Something New

Last but definitely not least start planning something new to look forward to. It will help ward off post-wedding blues and you'll put those organizational skills acquired over the past year to good use. Invite friends over for a happy hour to christen your new barware, throw an après-wedding name change bash, or start researching ideas for a one year anniversary vacation. And don't forget to update your ticker on The Knot so you can start counting down to the next milestone.

reposted from the knot

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Just Engaged: Your First Wedding Planning To-Dos

Just Engaged: Your First Wedding Planning To-Dos

Once the initial shock of being engaged wears off (and you take a second to peel your eyes away from that sparkly ring on your finger!), you'll need to make a lot of decisions. Here are the 11 most important things you need to do to really kick off your wedding planning.
Photo: Veer

Set a Timetable

The minute you get engaged, everyone will be asking for your wedding date. But in reality, you won't be able to set an exact date until other major decisions -- like choosing (and booking) your venue -- are made. So first, focus on determining a range of dates that will work for you. A typical engagement lasts anywhere from six months to a year and a half or more, but also think about what season you'd prefer, any major holidays or family events you'd like to avoid conflicting with, and how long you predict you'll need to plan.

Dream Up Your Style and Pick a Location

Before you try on a single gown, book a band or sample a bite of cake, look at the big picture and imagine what kind of style and vibe you want to set for your wedding -- and where you want to hold it. Close your eyes and picture your fantasy wedding. What do you see? Is it a candlelit ceremony in a mansion? Are you walking barefoot on a beach in the tropics? Or maybe it's in your hometown's botanical garden. While you're picturing your perfect wedding, here are some key questions to consider: Big (everyone you know) or small (just close friends and family)? Outdoors or in? Home (one of your hometowns or your current city) or away (a destination wedding)? Modern, classic, romantic, vintage, rustic or all-out glam? Fancy, casual or somewhere in between? To help you get a better idea of what you want (and what you don't want), spend some time gathering inspiration. Check out magazines, books and real wedding photos online, but don't limit yourself to the obvious sources. Something as unlikely as a wallpaper pattern, a scene from a favorite movie, or a family heirloom can spark your creativity. Bottom line: Always keep your eyes open for inspiration.

Set Your Budget

Sit down with your families and figure out how much everyone is contributing. This number will affect every decision and purchase you make, so be sure to work out your budget before you start planning. It can be an uncomfortable conversation, but it's better to get it out of the way now.

Draft a Guest List

As you begin to build your guest list, you'll need to consider a number of factors. If you have a particular ceremony or reception site in mind, for instance, you're going to be limited by how many people it can accommodate (you can't squeeze 300 people into a lighthouse). Would you rather have quality one-on-one time with each guest or throw a once-in-a-lifetime party for all your friends and family? If mom and dad won't budge about inviting throngs of friends and family, you'll have to hear them out -- especially if they're footing a major part of the bill. Keep in mind that more guests means higher prices, as catering costs are generally calculated on a per-head basis. So, in addition to location, your budget will have a big influence on the size of your guest list.

Register (Before Your Engagement Party!)

Worried that you'll look gift-grabby if you register? Don't! With all the engagement parties, bridal showers and well-wishing relatives in your future, everyone will appreciate your foresight. And although gifts are optional for engagement parties, some of your guests may want to give you something to commemorate the occasion, so register for at least a few items beforehand so they don't have to ask (or guess) what you'd like. One thing to note: Don't include registry information in your engagement party invitations or in any other formal manner. Stick to using word of mouth or links on your wedding website.

Insure Your Engagement Ring

No matter how careful you are, the peace of mind that engagement ring insurance will give you and your fiance is worth it. There are two basic ways to do it: As an extension of your renter's or homeowner's policy (which would reimburse you for a set amount of cash if you lose the ring), or through a company that specializes in jewelry insurance (which might offer more coverage than a standard homeowner's policy by replacing a lost or stolen ring).

Choose Your Wedding Party

Now it's your turn to propose to your bridesmaids and groomsmen. Remember, the earlier you ask, the sooner you can enlist their help. And keep in mind that your wedding party is agreeing to spend their hard-earned money and donate their precious time -- be considerate and kind by informing everyone about all your plans, showing them a good time and making sure they know how much you 

Consider a Consultant

If you're a super-busy couple, have demanding jobs or have big (read: complicated) dreams for your wedding weekend, then you should hire a full-time wedding planner to help you prepare your entire event, from the announcement to the honeymoon. You can also hire a part-time consultant to devise a wedding blueprint -- including budget, schedule, and lists of good vendor and site choices -- before you launch solo into the preparations. Another option is a day-of coordinator, who will make sure everything goes smoothly on your wedding day.

Book a Venue (and Set Your Date)

Your reception venue will become the backdrop for virtually all your photos and can influence everything from heavy hitters like your budget and guest list to smaller details like your menu (if you choose a venue with in-house catering). Ensure that you get the look, price and extras you want by scouring local listings, shopping around, scheduling visits and booking early. Bonus: By signing your venue contract, you will officially have your wedding date (congrats!)!

Hire Priority Vendors

If you just can't imagine getting married without a certain local band playing at the reception or a photographer whose work you love, act fast. Many top wedding photographers and other in-demand vendors are hired more than a year in advance, and once they're booked, they're gone. Translation: Figure out what your highest wedding priorities are, whether it's world-class catering or exquisite flowers, and snap up the vendors whose work you love.

Shop Dresses!

Begin your search by browsing dress photos online (and saving your favorites -- you'll want to take them with you to your appointments). Then, learn the lingo before setting foot in a dress salon. Read up on silhouettes, necklines, trains and hues that might flatter you. The season will also affect your choice. Getting married in the sweltering summer? Go with lightweight fabrics such as chiffon, linen or organza. Having a winter wedding? Brocade, faux fur and velvet will keep you warm. Satin, shantung, silk and tulle are perfect year-round.

reposted from the knot