Finding Vendors

It Takes a Village

The secret to a successful -- and stress-free -- wedding is hiring the right key players. Here's how to assemble a team who will make your dreams a reality.

No matter how much you plan to do yourselves or how crafty your friends are, you'll need professional help to pull off an event of this size and importance. Your vendors will be responsible for bringing your wedding visions to life; choosing a team you're comfortable working with will make the next several months a lot less stressful.

Finding your wedding pros

If you're hiring a planner, they will definitely be able to connect you with their favorite trusted vendors, but even so, you still want to do your own research and make an informed decision about the people who will be arranging your centerpieces, decorating your cake and playing the music. Whether you're looking for a florist, DJ, stationer or caterer, word of mouth is still the number-one way to get reliable recommendations. Start your search by asking any of your recently married friends or coworkers for suggestions. (Be sure to also ask if they had any negative experiences, so you'll know whom to avoid!) After that, your next move is to head straight to TheKnot.com (9 out of 10 brides do!), where you'll be able to search thousands of vendors in and near your area by category, get a rundown of their stats, view photos of their work and read honest reviews from other Knotties. Once you've compiled a list of potential candidates, visit their websites to get a better feel for the quality and style of their work. Browse through their portfolio of photos, look for any awards or professional distinctions they've received and read any testimonials they've posted. Of course, vendors are going to leave off negative press. To vet each vendor further, consult your local Better Business Bureau to find out if any consumer complaints have been filed against them. You can also check out online reviews on sites like WeddingChannel.com to see what other brides might be saying about specific vendors you like, or look them up in the annual The Knot Best of Weddings winners, a compilation of industry A-listers across the country. If they made the cut, you can rest assured you'll be in good hands.

Interviewing candidates

Now that you've got a better idea of interesting vendors, it's time to get up close and personal by setting up interviews. You should aim to speak with at least three vendors in every category before making your final decision. (When you call to set up the appointment, to save time, you may want to confirm that the vendor is available on your wedding date, as well as ask about their average fees to make sure they fall within your price range.) Since you'll be working very closely with your vendors over the next several months and trusting them with the key elements of your incredibly special day, it's essential to do an in-person interview. That way, you can see if your personalities jibe. Each vendor will have plenty of questions to ask you in an effort to determine your direction, but you should come prepared with your own list of questions related to your specific needs (for example: has the vendor ever worked in a barnyard setting? are they familiar with gluten-free recipes?), as well as more general details (will the vendor be there on your wedding day, or do they send a team member?). Before you wrap up, always ask for references (with whom you should actually follow up) and never ever feel pressured to hire anyone on the spot. Even if you fall in love with a particular vendor after the initial interview, stick to the original plan to meet with at least two other candidates (at the very least to reaffirm your decision).

Comparing the competitors

While you don't want to wait too long (top vendors get booked up to a year or more in advance), give yourself a few days after all your interviews to compare prices, overall impressions and any notes you made about each vendor. Highlight the pros and cons of each and prioritize what's most important to you. Once you've narrowed it down to a short list of potential vendors in each category who suit your budget, taste, personality and timetable, ask them to give you a written proposal outlining the services they'll provide, the vision they've sketched out based on your conversations and a breakdown of the estimated costs to pull it all off. Then sit down and carefully compare the details of potential vendors' proposals.

Negotiating the contract

When you've determined your top picks, you'll set up a meeting to finalize all the nitty-gritty details and sign a written agreement that spells everything out in easy-to-understand language. While there will be aspects of your wedding that you won't be able to control (like the weather), contracts are your number-one insurance plan against something going wrong, and they can help ensure you get exactly what you paid for -- from the right color of peonies to a limo driver who arrives on time. Contracts are legally binding, so if your vendor fails to do what's stipulated in yours, you can take them to court to recover your payment. Likewise, if you don't hold up your end of the deal, they can do the same. Bottom line: Do not work with any vendor who refuses to provide or sign a contract. Even if you're working with a friend or a relative, you'll still want to put together some form of written agreement. The basic points that should be in all of your vendor contracts include dates and times of services, the names of all parties involved in the agreement, the deposit and final payment amounts (as well as the payment schedule), and the cancellation and refund policies. Vendors ultimately want your business, so it doesn't hurt to ask (nicely) if they can throw in any perks or reduce their fee if a vendor or detail you love is outside your budget. Keep in mind that they won't always be able to come down, but in our experience, most wedding vendors will do their best to work with you. Contracts should be as specific as possible, listing particular colors, types, quantities (number of guests to be served, individual flowers to be used in each centerpiece) and even substitutions (for example, if pink peonies aren't available, then pink garden roses will be used instead). They should also include a day-of emergency contingency plan (if photographer A is unable to shoot the wedding because of an emergency, photographer B will replace them). A detailed description of the services provided and final product you've agreed upon should be included as well.
Before you sign on that dotted line, have an expert eye (your detail-oriented aunt, a lawyer friend or, even better, your wedding planner) look over each contract to make sure it's accurate, clear and complete. If you have questions, go back to the vendor to discuss your concerns and renegotiate the details until both parties are happy. Just make sure to ask for a clean final copy of the contract that has all of the revisions you requested, including any changes that were discussed via phone or email. Once you're 100 percent comfortable with the terms, you and the vendor should both sign and date two copies (one for each of you) to make your agreement legally binding. File the contracts in a safe place along with any related emails or receipts you can refer back to should any issues arise. And should you need to make changes -- and your vendor allows it -- after you've signed the contract, request an addendum that you and the vendor should both initial.

Locking down your team

Until you both sign that contract and you pay the deposit, vendors aren't obligated to hold the date of your wedding. Translation: They're free to book another wedding for that day. In order to seal the deal and ensure a vendor's services, you'll likely need to put down a deposit at the time you sign the contract. This is typically about 50 percent of the total bill, but it can vary depending on the vendor or if you negotiate a set amount. Be aware that most deposits are nonrefundable, but again, this is a point you'll want to settle with the vendor up front. Some are willing to return your deposit for special circumstances like loss of a job, illness or military deployment. Whatever you do, just get all those details written into your contract -- and never pay a single dime until that signed contract is in your hand! It's also a smart idea to pay using a credit card. That way, if the vendor goes out of business, ruins your cake or fails to show up, you may be able to have the charges reversed.

Working with your vendors

Got everyone on board? Congrats! With your team finally assembled, it's time to get down to the exciting business of planning. As you jump right in, remember that your vendors are there to help you, and they truly want you to be happy. The secret to a successful vendor/bride relationship is honest communication. The best way to get exactly what you're envisioning is to show (not just tell) your team what you want. Words like "modern," "classic" or "elegant" are largely subjective and can be interpreted in many different ways. Don't expect your vendor to magically re-create something from your imagination when you haven't given them concrete examples to work from. For visual items, like the flowers, cake or lighting, have pictures you can refer to on hand at all of your appointments. For the DJ or band, make explicit lists of songs you want -- and don't want -- played.
Never hesitate to speak your mind if you're not satisfied with an idea your vendor presents to you. Your feedback -- both positive and negative -- is an essential tool that will help the vendor get to the root of exactly what you want. We promise, as professionals, they're used to criticism, changes and nitpicky clients, and they won't be upset or offended. In fact, they'll be genuinely grateful for the feedback, and you'll be happy you gave it when you see the final results.
Find top wedding pros near you at TheKnot.com/local

reposted from The knot

Is Prewedding Counseling for You?

Think counseling is just for people with problems? Think again. As far as we're concerned, you've got nothing to lose, everything to gain. You'll strengthen your chances of staying together if you learn the skills needed. This is especially relevant in today's climate; with divorce so prevalent, many couples don't have role models to follow. Counselors can step in and become your relationship exper.

Timing is Everything

Prewedding counseling has one distinct advantage: Learning how to communicate and work through problems is a lot easier before rather than after the wedding. Once you're married, you both already have unspoken expectations for each other, never mind the often wacky ideas you got growing up about what married life should be like. Before marriage, you're still in a building stage -- the expectations are there, but it's easier to be open about the issues that threaten difficulty. And by learning how to talk through differences, you will form good habits that will carry you through the years.

looking for a counselor?

Search for premarital counselors in your area.

Find an Ear

There are several ways to tackle this sticky subject. You might decide to visit a psychologist or marriage and family therapist to thrash out issues that plague you. But you may not even have to go that far: Most houses of worship require to-be-weds to participate in counseling sessions before they'll let you march down their aisles.

Out the Issues

Counseling can help you recognize where your partner stands on a variety of topics, and where his or her priorities lie, which will confirm your sense of yourselves as a couple -- or, in some cases, open your eyes to the fact that you might be making a mistake. What's there to talk about? Religion, children, finances, habits, and family issues, among other things. And even if you generally communicate well, there may be specific issues you'd like some help working through.

Face the Facts

So how do you know if premarital counseling is for you? It depends on your existing ability to communicate with each other. Every marriage presents difficulties and obstacles, and communication will be what helps you overcome them. If you have trouble talking through the issues in your lives -- and we mean really talking -- it's smart to learn how to do it now, when you're engaged.

reposted from the Knot

Interview Questions for a Wedding Planner

Interview Checklist for Potential Wedding Planners

Here are key questions to ask when meeting with potential planners and coordinators.

• Are you available on my wedding date?


• What's the cost of the average wedding you plan?


• What sort of services do you offer (day-of coordinator, full-service event design, or a la carte planning)? Do you create the overall vision, or are you more of a producer who brings in an event designer? Do you handle event styling? Do you do day-of coordination?


• If you do both planning and coordinating, what is really your specialty?


• How many weddings have you planned?


• How many weddings will you be working on at the same time as mine?


• Have you planned any other weddings at our site?


• Do you handle vendor services, contracts, and payment processing? (Some planners will request a lump sum and from there, handle hiring and paying vendors for you. Others will ask you to cut the checks for vendors yourselves. It’s generally best to pay vendors directly instead of through your planner. This way you will have more control over the contract and your budget.)


• Are there specific vendors you like to use? What is your process for selecting and hiring vendors? How are we involved? Are you offered client discounts for any vendors that you work with?


• Do you handle guest list coordination and RSVPs?


• Do you do destination weddings (if applicable)?


• Do you handle rentals?


• What was the most unique wedding you ever planned?


• What are some ideas you have more pulling off our vision (if applicable)?


• What is your secret for staying calm under pressure and dealing with day-of disasters and mishaps?


• How many meetings will we have? Do you come with us to all our relevant meetings? What are the steps we will go through?


• What is the best way to get in touch with you?


• How many people on your staff will be at the wedding?


• What happens if you’re ill or otherwise unable to be there on the day of our wedding?


• Do you have references? (Ask for professional testimonials as well as those from recent brides.)


• How will you help me stay within my budget (stay away from things I can’t afford, find alternatives)?


• Do you carry personal liability and professional indemnity insurance?


• How do payments work? (A percentage of our budget? A flat fee?) Will there be additional expenses on top of your base fee? (Travel, parking, food?)

reposted from the Knot

Engagement Ring Insurance

Insurance 101: Engagement Ring Insurance

In the name of love -- insure that precious ring! Here's how (hint: it's easier than you may think).

Putting a policy on your engagement ring may sound unromantic, but nothing's sweeter than peace of mind.

What It Is:

There are a few ways to insure your engagement ring. Ring insurance can be purchased as an extension (also called a "rider") for your renters' or homeowners' policy. Renters' and homeowners' policies cover the stuff in your home, but only up to a certain dollar value: Expensive, special items like engagement rings, art, and electronics are guaranteed through scheduled personal property coverage -- an insurance policy extension that covers particular items. Another option is to insure your ring through a company that specializes in jewelry insurance, which might offer more coverage than a standard homeowners' policy (replacing a lost or stolen ring rather than paying a set amount of cash, for instance).

All those wedding presents drastically increase the dollar value of your stuff. Make sure to adjust your homeowners' or renters' coverage to reflect that!

Who Needs It Most:

Any couple with jewelry that has high material or sentimental value -- whether your wedding and engagement rings cost $500 or $50,000, an insurance policy is a way of honoring not just their financial value but what they represent. The sentiment behind your rings is priceless, but the rings themselves can be replaced -- if they're insured -- in the event that something happens to them.

What to Know About How It Works:

You'll need to provide your receipts, as well as an appraisal (which costs a small fee; you can get an appraisal from a certified gemologist). And remember: If you move after the wedding, make sure your "ring rider" follows you. Some couples have the ring insured at the bride's house (or her parents') before the wedding, but forget to add it to the policy for their new home when they move in together.
If you don't have a renters' or homeowners' policy, there is an alternative way to insure your ring: Certain insurance companies offer policies through jewelers on individual pieces -- ask your jeweler if they work with an insurance company to offer ring insurance. These kinds of policies can vary widely company by company (usually a jeweler will offer a policy that's underwritten by smaller company), so ask specific questions about the level of coverage provided.

Questions To Ask Before You Choose a Policy:

• Is the ring covered if you lose it accidentally, or only if it's stolen?

• How will the company replace the ring -- with a check? Or will they require you to purchase a replacement through a specified jeweler?

• What if it's a vintage ring or other unique piece? How will the quality and size of your diamond -- and that of a replacement if needed -- be documented?

• Is the ring insured to full cost or a fraction of it?

• How will you need to prove the ring vanished if you make a claim?

• Are there any circumstances that aren't covered? (What if your ring flies off at the circus and gets trampled by elephants, for example?)

Average Cost:

The yearly cost to insure your ring is $1 to $2 for every $100 that it would cost to replace. In plain English, this means that if your ring would cost $9,000 to replace, you might expect to pay between $90 and $180 per year to insure it -- or slightly more in cities where the risk of theft is higher.

How To Get Your Cost Down:

Buy a vault or safe to keep jewelry in when it's not being worn. (You can also keep paperwork like appraisals in the safe, so you'll always know where it is if needed.)

What To Remember if You Only Remember One Thing:

When you shop for a "ring rider" policy, make sure to read the fine print: A good policy will cover every potentially ring-threatening situation from theft to damage to accidentally dropping it in the garbage disposal.

reposted from the knot

changing your name after the wedding

A marriage license with your new last name does not automatically mean you've changed it. You shouldn't change your name before the honeymoon, because your new name has to match all travel documents, most importantly, your passport -- processing name changes on passports generally takes anywhere from four to six weeks. (Hint: Make it easy on yourself and get the Name Change Kit on TheNest.com.)

Getting a marriage license with your new name on it does not mean your name has automatically changed.

1. Get your marriage license
Before you can change your name, you'll need the original (or certified) marriage license with the raised seal and your new last name on it. Call the clerk's office where your license was filed to get copies if one wasn't automatically sent to you.
2. Change your Social Security card
Visit the Social Security Administration's website and fill out the application for a new Social Security card. You'll keep the same number -- just your name will be different. Mail in your application to the local Social Security Administration office. You should get your new card within 10 business days.
3. Change your license at the DMV
Take a trip to the local Department of Motor Vehicles office to get a new license with your new last name. Bring every form of identification you can lay your hands on -- your old license, your certified marriage license and -- most important -- your new Social Security card.
4. Change your bank accounts
This one's a biggie, especially if you're setting up a joint bank account, or if you have one already set up. The fastest way to change your name at your bank is to go into a branch location -- bring your new driver's license and your marriage license. You should request new checks and debit and credit cards on top of changing the name attached to your accounts. Something to note: You might get hit with fees for requesting a new debit card.
4. Fill in the blanks
Once you have a social security card and driver's license in your married name, other changes should be fairly easy. Some places only require a phone call; others may ask for a copy of your marriage certificate or social security card. Be sure to notify:

• Employers/payroll
• Post office
• Electric and other utility companies
• Credit card companies
• Schools and alumni associations
• Landlord or mortgage company
• Insurance companies (auto, home, life)
• Doctors' offices
• Voter registration office
• Investment account providers
• Your attorney (to update legal documents, including your will)
• Passport office

reposted from the Knot

DIY Wedding Cake Tips: Preserving Your Top Wedding Cake Tier

Don't let those yummy wedding cake memories end with the last bite. Savor the flavor of your wedding with this guide to cake preservation.

Hands off that cake tier! Avoid opening up the cake in the freezer -- the more often you expose the cake, the less fresh it will be on your anniversary.

How To Wrap Up Your Cake Tier

Instruct catering staff to take off the top tier of the wedding cake and box it for transport. Appoint a "cake captain" (one of your family members or friends) to take it home. Once it's home, that person should do the following:
1. Remove the sugar flowers and set them aside.
2. Chill the cake well before wrapping it up so that the icing hardens. This way it won't stick to the plastic wrap and make a mess.
3. Wrap the (unadorned) cake in several layers of plastic wrap -- not aluminum foil, which can cause freezer burn.
4. Seal the wrapped cake in an air-tight bag and place it in the freezer.
5. Snag a ribbon (from your bouquet, the centerpieces, your hair, a gift) and tie it around the cake package to mark it so that you don't mistake it for anything else.

Know Your Cake's Shelf Life

Some cakes freeze better than others. The more delicate the cake ingredients, the drier your cake will become in the freezer. Cakes with a longer shelf life: Chocolate, hazelnut, almond, and carrot cake. Cakes that may not last as long in the freezer: white cake, cake with fresh fruit, and cakes with whipped cream fillings.

Consider Ordering A Copycat Cake

If you have a cake that won't hold up in the freezer, do as many couples do and order a fresh cake tier in the same flavor as your original wedding cake for your one-year anniversary. Even if you have a heartier cake, Sylvia Weinstock, of Sylvia Weinstock Cakes in New York, recommends storing cakes for no longer than two months, and forgoing the first-anniversary tradition. Like anything else, after a year in the freezer, any cake will be a bit stale. If you do decide to save your cake for the full year, focus on the nostalgia, not the flavor.

-- The Knot

Finding the Right Wedding Planner

When it comes to planners, your choices are many, so you’ll want to start by thinking about what you’re looking for and reading about your different options before meeting with any candidates. Then, be sure to clarify what each planner does.

There are a range of professionals who fall under the wedding planner title, who have different skill sets.Not all planners offer design services, and not all event designers handle logistics. Some are more vision-orientated some are more schedule and production orientate. Be sure you’re clear on the extent of the services potential planners are willing to provide when you interview her to make sure you’re going to receive all the support you’re expecting. Here is a more detailed breakdown of your options—and which one might be right for you. Be forewarned: These terms are not used consistently across the industry; nonetheless, this will give you an idea of the type of service you want.

Full-Service Planning

A full-service planner handles it all, both design and coordination, from start to finish (from designing the overall vision and hiring and meeting with vendors to arranging weekend activities for your guests). This type of planner is great for couples who are having a complex event or simply want a professional to guide them every step of the way and to handle all the details of executing their vision.

Event Design

An event-designer focuses on pulling together the overall look of the day rather than organizing all the myriad details (like the timeline or budget). He or she is like an interior designer for your event, so she may work with other vendors -- from invitation designers to florists and bakers -- to bring your vision to life based on the style, taste, and vision you've dreamed up. But don’t expect her to handle the organization or logistics.A wedding designer is not necessary if you would like to work with your venue manager, wedding planner, and/or florist (some florists, called “floral designers,” are also design experts who will help you with the décor and design concept, as well as the centerpieces and bouquets) to create your wedding décor concept. Busy brides often turn to event designers to take some of the planning pressure off or to achieve a unique theme idea or concept, or just to make sure their reception looks amazing. This type of planner is best for someone who can handle organizing and coordinating all the vendors and events, but who needs someone for vision.

A La Carte Planning

This part-time pro helps you shape the event by giving you décor suggestions, vendor recommendations, or assistance with specific projects—you contact the planner when you need help and they charge either an hourly rate or a flat fee for each service. An à la carte planner is great for couples who need someone to design a blueprint that they will execute themselves. Basically, if you want to steal their secrets, but don’t want everyone to say it was clearly a [insert popular planner’s name]’s wedding, an a la crate planner is for you.

Day-of Coordinating

A day-of pro helps to make sure everything runs smoothly on the actual wedding day but isn’t really involved much beforehand. Most prefer to begin their involvement at least a month before the wedding to truly make sure all things are in order, and they charge a flat fee. They’ll handle all your vendors and setup on the day of your wedding, as well as any type of cleanup or postwedding duties needed so that you and your family members can just relax and enjoy the day. A day-of coordinator is perfect for couples who plan to be very hands-on during the planning process and can handle the contracts and organization but want someone to take care of all the details the week before and want someone to be there the day-of.

Reposted from the Knot

While we hope you don't have emergencies on the big day, it's always better to be safe than sorry. We've come up with a list of all those just-in-case items that will ensure your dream wedding goes off without a hitch. The matron or maid of honor should pack these emergency items in a tote bag and stash the bag in a safe but easy-to-access place during the dinner and/or wedding reception.

Essentials

• Aspirin (or pain reliever of choice)
• Band-Aids
• Bottle of water
• Chalk (to cover up any last minute smudges or smears on your wedding dress)
• Clear nail polish (for stocking runs)
• Corsage pins
• Dental floss/toothpicks
• Eye drops
• Extra earring backs
• Extra panty hose
• Hair pins/ponytail holder
• Hand towelettes
• Hem tape
• Matches
• Mini sewing kit
• Safety pins
• Scotch tape
• Sedatives (don't ask!)
• Small folding scissors
• Smelling salts (while we don't expect anyone to faint, it has been known to happen)
• Spot remover
• Static-cling spray
• Straws (so the bride can stay hydrated without messing up her lipstick)
• Tissues
• Tweezers

The matron or maid of honor should keep the following items on hand at all times in a small evening bag for the bride:

• Breath mints/spray
• Cellular phone
• Comb/brush
• Cash (because you never know)
• Hair spray
• Linen handkerchief
• Makeup (for touch-ups)
• Mirror
• Nail file
• Perfume
• Tampons/sanitary napkins

Optional Items

• Granola bars or other easy-to-carry snacks
• Krazy Glue (for nail fixes, shoe heels, decorations, even jewels)
• Sunblock

-- reposted from The Knot

Bad Wedding Etiquette Comebacks

Classy comebacks for all those unwanted wedding planning opinions.

Ever been faced with a wedding comment that was so inappropriate it left you tongue-tied? Among the congratulations and well-wishing, you're bound to hear a few remarks that are rude, annoying, or flat-out appalling. Be prepared and you'll leave them sputtering.
"Are you sure you're ready?"
Translation: Coming from an unmarried acquaintance, this sort of question is likely a projection of their own fears -- they're not in a position to make a lifelong commitment, so it's hard to imagine that you could be.
Quick comeback: Exude confidence and leave no room for anyone to debate if you or your fiance is in any way unprepared for what you're getting into: "Absolutely! We are completely in love and ready to be together forever."
"The marriage won't last."
Translation: Whether it's a reflection of their own marriage problems or a past incident that convinced them monogamy is impossible, this person has a knack for souring good news.
Quick comeback: It's easy to get seriously offended by this one, but take the high road and try cheesy humor. Ask if their favorite precious stone is "jaded" or whether they hit any traffic on the Pessimist Expressway that morning.
"Your engagement is too long."
Translation: Any engagement over a year might seem excessive to some, but it takes a lot of time to pull everything together. The person's comment may be out of surprise, not ill will.
Quick comeback: You have a few acceptable options: Explain that the best wedding vendors are booked more than a year in advance, that you're extending the engagement to save more money, or that you have something you want to accomplish (finish your degree, settle into a new job) before you make your marriage official.
"Your engagement is too short."
Translation: While you and your fiance have probably discussed getting engaged for a while, the news might be a shock to some. The person who says this doubts you'll have enough time to plan a nice wedding.
Quick comeback: Reassure them that though your engagement is brief, you set the wedding planning wheels in motion well before he popped the question. Be calm -- if you seem too swept up in the excitement of the proposal, it supports the idea that you're rushing things.
"Is that really the ring you wanted?"
Translation: Almost any engagement ring can elicit a snide remark, whether it's too big, too small, too sparkly, or not sparkly enough. This sort of nastiness undoubtedly stems from jealously that you've been proposed to, and the ring is an object that provides an outlet for them to concentrate all their envious feelings on.
Quick comeback: It's every newly engaged woman's right to show off her rock, but if you get negative vibes from someone, draw focus away from the ring with a simple reply like, "We're both really happy and excited."
"This bridesmaid dress is ugly."
Translation: While it's a cliche for a bridesmaid to gripe about the dress, it still happens. If she's strapped for cash, her disapproval may be in hopes that you'll pick something less expensive. Or she could really think it's hideous.
Quick comeback: Find out why she doesn't like it and try to locate some middle ground. Suggest that she stick with the dress color but then let her choose her own silhouette.
"That's a great idea...I'll do it too!"
Translation: Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but it's aggravating when a friend steals a unique wedding idea. Take it as a compliment that your ideas are so great; then steer your friend in a new direction.
Quick comeback: Agree the idea would work well in your friend's wedding, but suggest she personalize it to better fit her style. Encourage some brainstorming and change an element of the concept so it's similar but not identical.
"Who is paying for all this?"
Translation: Maybe they're surprised by all of the nice details you've included in your wedding, or perhaps they're wondering how your parents could afford to host such a great party on their own dime. Either way, this one ranks near the very top of the bad etiquette list.
Quick comeback: Unless you're willing to share that info, immediately let the person know they've crossed the line: "I'm sorry, but that's between my fiance and me."
"Am I going to be invited?"
Translation: No need to decipher this one -- this person simply wants to attend the party. Tactless on their part, sure, but don't be surprised when an annoying coworker, excitable neighbor, or wayward cousin asks for an invite.
Quick comeback: Rather than postpone the awkwardness with a dodgy line like, "We haven't finalized the list yet," tell them that, due to a tight budget, you're keeping things intimate and the guest list will be mostly close family.
"How much did that cost?"
Translation: This can be interpreted in a few ways. If the person is planning their own wedding, they're probably asking out of genuine interest because they like what you're doing. If, however, there's no chance they're planning their nuptials, odds are whatever you tell them will garner an obnoxious response.
Quick comeback: A simple "That's none of your business" will suffice, or you could throw them off with some dramatics: "It cost me an arm and my fiance a leg -- next week we're going in for surgery together. Romantic, right?"
"I'm RSVPing...with guest."
Translation: Some people think that it's fine to tack on a "plus one" to any wedding invite. Though it's definitely a wedding etiquette faux pas, you should give your guest the benefit of the doubt and chalk it up to an innocent misunderstanding rather than a snobby "I don't go anywhere without a date" attitude.
Quick comeback: Call as soon as you receive the offending RSVP and gently explain: "I'm sorry that it wasn't clearer, and we're excited you're coming, but our guest list is packed so we can't include a date for every guest."
"I want to make a toast."
Translation: They want the world (or at least the reception) to know how proud they are you tied the knot. And a minute in the spotlight satisfies any extrovert tendencies they might have.
Quick comeback: Say that you're flattered by the offer, but you want to keep the toasts to a minimum -- just the parents and honor attendants. If a close family member really wants to speak, you should consider letting them say a few words at the rehearsal dinner.
"So when are you going to have kids?"
Translation: The joy of a wedding leaves some people overly enthusiastic about the next huge life event: starting a family. Curiosity about baby plans is natural -- most people keep those thoughts to themselves, while others prove to be significantly less reserved.
Quick comeback: Even if you have a clear plan about when you want to start having babies, be vague in discussing a timeline. Try, "We'd love to be parents someday, but we're taking things one step at a time -- starting with the wedding."

Reposted from the Knot

5 Steps to Hiring a Wedding Planner

1. Do Your Homework

Check out prospective planners’ websites for photos of recent weddings they have done to help narrow down your list. Notice whether elements seem to have a cohesive look and if there is an overarching style that the weddings share—this is probably what the planner is most experienced with, so decide if it’s one you like. If all the weddings that he’s planned look over-the-top and glamorous and you’re looking for a small, intimate gathering, he may not be the right person for you. Also, look for information about the types of planning services they offer, sites they’ve worked with, awards, and membership in professional associations (such as the Association of Bridal Consultants).

2. Call Your Favorites

Call your top three or four picks to confirm the following: types of planning services offered, names of sites they have worked with, wedding date availability, and appropriateness price-wise (ask their typical price range and/or cost of the average wedding they plan). If their answers fit your budget and your vision, set up appointments to meet with each of them.

3. Prepare for Your First Meeting

Bring magazine clippings, photos, and even your inspiration board(s) with you when you meet with potential planners. At your meeting, you obviously want to get a sense of the quality of their weddings by asking them about events they’ve done and perusing their portfolios, but you’re also looking at their personalities: Is this someone you can work with intimately for months at a time? Voice your ideas about your style and colors and see how the planner responds—she should meet them with enthusiasm. Then ask how she’d pull off your vision to get a better idea of how she works. A good planner should be able to listen to your thoughts and hone them to make your wedding something truly unique and memorable.

4. Call References

Don’t feel pressured to hire a planner you like on the spot. Be sure to call references and ask the following.

• How closely did she stick to your budget?


• Can you e-mail me photos from your wedding? (This is a good way to confirm the overall consistency and professionalism of the wedding. Planners’ portfolios are filled with their best work, and, of course, they’ll offer brides they know were happy with their work for references, so search online for other real weddings they’ve done as well.)


• How well did she interpret your ideas?


• Were the style and wedding exactly what you wanted?


• What did she take care of for you (guest list, vendor meetings, setup, etc.)?


• Did she have good vendor recommendations? Did she coordinate with other vendors?


• Did she respond quickly to your calls or e-mails? Was she nice to work with?


• Did the wedding go smoothly according to your guests?


• Did anything go wrong, and how did she handle it?

5. Seal the Deal

Also, take some time to compare and contrast prices, impressions, notes, and, if provided, formal proposals (some planners may draft their overall vision for your wedding and their intended services in the form of a proposal, which would then work as the basis for your contract). Once you’ve found your planner, call her immediately to express your desire to move forward and have her prepare a contract. As soon as you’ve signed the contract and paid your deposit, you’ll have your right-hand woman (or man) secured.

Reposted from the Knot